Gah.. It's my first week-of-exams here in high school. I think I can get pretty good grades from the biology test :)

Oh gAWd this one guy drives me crazy. He likes to wreck my day.. And then again I love him.

Anyway, I must read more for the religions -test. Bye~

A few days ago we had a huge (that word is annoying: reminds me of Paris Hilton) fight with my boyfriend. And it was my fault. I got mad for such a tiny reason, since I can't even name the reason. I yelled at him and cried and tried to run away, but he just were there with me, hugged me (which made me even more mad) and tried to make me calm down. Tho he failed with that. I called him names, very rude names to be sincere. And then I ran away crying.

Now when I think about it, I was such a selfish bitch. For real, I was. I realised  what a treasure he is. He didn't call me names, didn't yell at me, he just were there hugging me no matter how nasty I was. And at the time, that drove me angry. He is such a treasure, I can't even imagine better. But it hurts to say, I don't appreciate it often enough, and that's what makes me feel selfish. And greedy, since I don't want to break up with him, because he's so nice and caring and unselfish and loving.

I can't honestly expect he's going to always be there for me if I continue acting like this. It's so very wrong for me to treat him like a... a dog. "It's nice how it's always there but I don't care how I treat it. Stay, listen to my insults and don't dare to run away. Since you don't have any other places to go". Okay I know anyone in his right mind won't be treating his/her dog like that but I was trying to make my point.

The problem is I can't handle myself. It've always been the problem. Feels like I don't know myself well enough, like there was a stranger living in my body. Sounds like some schizophrenic lunatic... But  I think I must learn to know myself before I can learn to know anyone else that deeply. And that scares the shit outta me.

But if I don't change, I'm soon going to end up being alone. I'm very very scared of the idea being alone.

I sound selfish, ingorant, greedy and ditsy while this post, but that's how it is. I hope I'll change from this to some other, more caring and patient person. So it won't be such a hell for him to live with me.